Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
