Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
