Umm I'm too high to move.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
