In the future we'll all be gay
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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