Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
