dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
