You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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