So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we're making bets on your personal life
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
