He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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