Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
