last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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