please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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