hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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