i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You pole danced in your parka.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
