woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
