Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
