Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
