Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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