but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
