Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
