420 ftw
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
