I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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