What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
