I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
