as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
