we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
