is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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