would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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