Will you blow on my dice?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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