I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
