i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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