can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
