Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
