I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
