Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
