Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize