i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
