Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
