so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
