You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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