well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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