dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
