how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am midnight drunk by noon
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
