dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
