She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
