i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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