At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He felt like a one man threesome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
