the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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