Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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