I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
