I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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